As I am gaining strength mentally, I am working on getting my body in the here and now as well. Thankfully because of my service dog, I can get over the paralyzing feeling of anxiety and get the heck up on out of my house. I look forward to having an excuse to leave the house now, instead of dreading it so much that all I can do is sleep.
My husband has been doing the cooking almost the entire time that we have been married. He likes to do it and I love his food. Recently due to a medical issue, he asked if I could pick up the slack and do some of the household errands for us. Of course, I have no problem with doing it now that I have Onyx. But before, I would have really struggled with leaving the home and doing all the interface with society. I have grown very accustomed to the safety of my own home since accepting this diagnosis.
But thanks to Onyx, I do feel safe outside the home now. She helps lower my anxiety so that I can function in civilization. I enjoy driving because she is with me. I enjoy chatting with others because she is with me. I enjoy doing errands because she is with me. I thought I would stick out if I had a service dog which I’m sure I do but because it benefits me so much, I don’t care if I stick out. She is making daily living possible again. And this time, I can be there for my husband who needs me to care for him.
It’s all about the little things when you have PTSD. I went to the grocery store today and it was relaxing. I took my time and looked through all the healthy items to find ideas for meals. Before Onyx, I was running in and out of that store as quickly as possible because I was dying on the inside. The anxiety from the prospect of going anywhere alone was overwhelming. I guess I just felt too vulnerable when I was by myself given the trauma I experienced in the military. I always felt safe with my husband. And now I can feel safe, step it up for my family, and do it without having a panic attack because of Onyx, my service dog and battle buddy. This is progress.